Oops I accidentally a PB&J Fic.
It’s in his human Sburbiastuck
So yeah, enjoy my stupid ramblings because this was just word vomit.
It was hard. It was so motherfucking hard, and nobody could possibly know exactly how hard it was. This yearning ache in his chest was slowly tearing him apart, and it only got worse as his eyes roamed over the sleeping face of his good friend, and secret crush.
Travis could never know. He’d be scared. He’d leave. Gavin didn’t know if he could handle that. So he popped his pills, and smoked his weed. The ache dulled with the high, and the carefree grin tugged at his lips, but the thought never really left.
And right now it was at the forefront of his mind. Seeing Travis’ sleeping form beside him wouldn’t let him think of anything else. He turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling, before pressing his palms to his eyes. His head was pounding, the meds starting to wear off. He needed a smoke, but Travis had asthma really bad. Also Gavin was pretty sure that Trav’s parents would murder him if he lit up a joint in their son’s room. They already thought he was a bad enough influence, but they still treated him nicely. Probably for Travis’ sake.
He needed something to distract himself, but the more he tried to steer away from the topic of his crush, the more his brain kept tugging a mental image of the dark skinned boy to the front of his mind. It was as if a picture of the kid was tattooed to the insides of his eyelids. It was hopeless.
He turned back to face his friend, feeling the heat radiate off him, the warmth soaking into the surrounding bed sheets and mattress. Gavin couldn’t help himself, his arms reaching out, and encircling the other’s waist, tugging him closer. He was torturing himself, and he knew it, but he needed to be closer. Always closer. It was never enough. How could he spend his life like this? Always lying. How could he look Travis in the eyes? What would he do when Travis finally got a girlfriend?
His stomach twisted painfully at the mere thought of it, and he let out a small, pained sigh. If he confessed, Travis would never speak to him again. He knew it. He would keep lying, keep hiding his secret, stash his hopes and feelings away in his aching heart, because he couldn’t bear to lose him. He’d rather spend his life being friends with Travis, constantly hurting, than risk losing him for good.
He was pulled from his thoughts as Travis shifted in the bed beside him, the boy’s arm moving to drape over Gavin’s shoulder, hugging him closer, as if cuddling his favorite plush. Their faces were so fucking close now, Gavin could feel the other boy’s warm breath on his lips. He was so motherfucking close. It would be so easy. So, so fucking easy to kiss him. His hand moved up, shaking slightly, fingers gently cradling the sleeping teen’s chin. His fingers slowly pulled, tilting his head, and fuck they were only an inch away now. His hand shifted higher, cupping his face, and his fingers nestled around his ear. The short, soft hair from the other’s buzz cut tickled his fingertips, and his thumb gently grazed over his cheek.
He was motherfucking gorgeous, and Gavin was enraptured, soaking him in. His cheek was warm against his hand, slightly flushed with the warmth that came from sleep. Dark eyelashes nestled together, long enough to barely brush the freckles dusted over his skin. Gavin could feel his heart speeding up, thumping louder in his chest, and fuck, he was sure it would wake the other up, but it didn’t. He tilted his own head, eyes closing. Their lips were barely brushing now, and their breath was mingling. He just had to push forward the smallest bit. He took a breath, feeling his lips gently bump against Travis’ when he did, and….
He couldn’t do it. He opened his eyes slightly, looking at Travis. He was still sleeping so peacefully. He could never know the heartache he was going through right now. How hard it was to battle the temptation he was faced with every day.
Travis would never know how hard it motherfucking hurt.